If youre feeling discouraged…
I said some things in a 1:1 meeting that surprised even myself. After leaving the Zoom call, the engineer thanked me for what I said. I thought about the strength of just one comment, one sentence and perhaps one article that might make a difference. So I write this.
For context, I’ve come a long way with working with this engineer. When I started leading the team, the engineer was to be put on a coaching plan soon to be PIP (performance improvement plan), and it felt like they were on their way out. I was told that it would be best if I set goals that were unattainable and would help with having turning over the employee, so that the opening could be used for a more senior staff member without any repercussions to the hiring of similar roles. I don’t think there are many ways to preserve trust when you’re giving a staff member, you just started working with, a poor performance review coupled with a PIP. It has been more than a year now, and this staff member has met and surpassed their goals and is going towards the next level at the company.
If you feel like a failure, I hope that the feeling only stays for a short while. I hope that it leaves you, as something more true sinks into your soul. If you’re wondering if anyone cares about your experience, I hope that you can feel that at least one person does. I remember some years ago, in a coaching session, I had said I didn’t truly believe I could make a difference if I showed up to a meeting. My coach asked me why I felt that way, and I told her it was because I didn’t feel like anyone would see me or understand what I had to say. And she said something I haven’t forgotten, “there’s always someone watching, even if you can’t tell.”
I liked that, even if it sounded weird at face value. Who can read this blog if I don’t share it, for example? But because it gave my words and my actions, meaning behind closed doors and meaning when I showed up, I enjoyed it and took it to heart.
If you think you can’t build trust, you can’t make a difference, then that may be your reality, but don’t let it be the truth about who you are.
Very very few people know this, but some time ago, I decided to walk into a local restaurant and apply to be a waitress. I left the restaurant with the job and started waiting tables for a portion of my full-time job’s pay. I worked in the evenings till close which rounded my work day to about 14–15 hours a day. I didn’t keep the job for that long, but during that humbling experience of living off tips, I realized that no matter what went wrong, I still stuck to my principles and values. At the end of a long, hard day, I still respected my coworkers, and I served whoever I could.
So when my engineer asked me a series of questions such as “did you always know you wanted to be in tech”, “do you like people management more than technology”, and “do you think about money?” I spoke from the heart to answer him. Both you and I belong in tech, particularly in our line of work, because we care about people. You can see the difference one technology decision makes. So, if you could inform the right people to make the right decisions, you will have influenced your work, your team, and the users of that technology. That only comes with being opinionated about the technology. That only comes with domain knowledge.
I kept going.
You know… it kind of looked like even from the start of the 1:1 meeting that this engineer wanted someone to talk to… call it a sixth sense.
If you’re feeling discouraged today, I hope you find the feeling of belonging.
Maybe it doesn’t come from a thank you.
Maybe it doesn’t come from anyone.
Maybe it doesn’t come from what you did.
But maybe someone will one day in the future want to know, out of their own curiousity (or lonliness), if you always knew you’d be where you are now.
You’re going to be glad that you can say heckkkkk no. And then you’ll tell the story. And one day, it can also be part of someone else’s story too.